are you punishing me? It feels like you are. I'm sure you're angry, probably hurt, but spite isn't working. Fuck me, I made a mistake but COME ON. Is it worth killing this for? Are we dying? I miss you. I miss being loved. I want to tell you, but I'm scared you won't care. Or worse, that you'll say nothing.

I'm numb. I don't recognize myself. Apparantly, neither do other people. "Who's in there? OH MY GOD! You? Hahahah!" What do I even want out of this hell of a life?

On Thursday night I had an encounter with a stranger: it basically ended up with her telling me to be careful what I wish for. For some reason it hit me then, that every time 11:11 rolls around I always wish, and it's not coming true, but do I really want it to? Consequences, implications, feelings. Let's just think about this.