I mailed it in my sleep

I wrote you a letter but I didn't give it to. I don't know why. Here's the gist of it though:

My neighbor had her baby on Monday!

On the weekend I saw Timmy who was very drunk and he was rambling about bryophytes and dominant generations. I don't know precisely why, but I found this immensely funny. People.

Things are fixed with friends! I saw her today which was strange being at someone else's school but it was fun.

I'm so confused about you. I'm standoffish but all I know is that you have so much testosterone that if you didn't have sex you would have to invade a country or something.

I'm so sick. Sneezing, coughing, the whole bit.

I guess those are the highlights of my life right now. Which is a strange change. It almost feels boring without all the drama and upset.

Who will fall far behind

Today was tough. I was alone and very aware of it.

"I had a terrible dream, Lauren. I dreamt Aidan was dead."

"....He is dead, honey. He is dead."

"I know."

Skinny love

Today marks the one year anniversary of this blog, so I thought it was time for a change.

My mind is a compilation of single sentences and lines, I can hardly fit everything together for a sensical paragraph.

One thing: My ipod is working! After over a year of being shot, I decided to charge it and it spontaneously fixed itself?! This makes me so happy and improves my quality of life exponentially.

Another: STOP IT! Stop coming out of your box. I had you all neatly sorted and you are coming out and it really just makes extra work for me. I am confused and have to re-organize everything now. It's that feeling when you think you've succesfully written someone off then they do something and you second guess yourself. You know that one? But in the meantime please stop trying to get into my pants.

For good luck: Oh to hell with it! I'm going to have a party! Oh to hell with it! I am much happier.

May flowers

It's much easier to spend your life being angry and bitter than to be awake and vulnerable. Even happiness is fragile.

If I don't love you, it's the closest I've ever came to it.

I am sitting in the computer room with my jacket on and no socks, watching the bourne supremacy. I think something is wrong with my emotions, something I can't pin down to hormones or lack of sunlight.

Get gone from a dirty town

The funny thing is,

even before you said it,

I was thinking the same thing.

Life is getting better and that makes me feel like a complete idiot. Christ.

I accept you in your pain

Maybe I'd forgotten how to be happy. But I am. I'm not quite at the point yet where I can make myself be, through a conscious decision, but somehow things have come together and so I am. It's not so much about deciding to put away the pain, but deciding to be ok with seeing yourself hurting.

Also, I'm listening to Chris Berkner right now. If you've never heard him, look it up. I promise he won't disappoint.

There's a bullet in the gun.

Emp·ty:
(adj. emptier, emptiest)
1. containing nothing; having none of the usual or appropriate contents
2. hollow; meaningless
3. completely spent of emotion

Somedays I click on this blog and expect it to have updated itself.