Too early

I am making a conscious effort to improve myself. Lately I feel as if I've been out of touch with everything, not thinking but instead going through the motions mindlessly. I want to be more of the person who is calm and wise, and cut out the jealous, insecure, lying bitch that has been living in my body. I know it sounds melodramatic and typical for this time of year, but I feel such a strong distaste for myself and my actions. I want to be the person who is innately good, who reflects goodness, who seeps goodness.