Piotr left for Vancouver today after staying the weekend.
I cried a lot today, and yesterday...my heart feels achey and a little bit bruised.
I think I underestimated how hard it would be to be apart. Things happened so quickly, and I didn't worry too much as I know we have a deep bond.
Two weeks in, I am starting to understand.
I am going to have to be so vigilant against the apathy and numbness that creeps in.
Even now, as I am typing this, the urge is there to distract myself, to disconnect. It's a way of protecting myself from pain.
I already miss the life we had together. The companionship, the routine.
The truth is that keeping your heart open and aware is painful, and will require constant work.
I know that things ebb and flow, but I hope that in the long run I find the strength to take a path that leads me further into love.

Here I am.

Part of me feels like things are moving so quickly, so maybe I'd better just go along with it rather than trying to document it all. Another part of me knows that if I don't document it, someday I might wish I had.

So, what is there to document?
Well...changes. The transition into a new phase of life. It's been one week since I've been on the Island, and things are going well. It feels so strange, I feel happy but my mind hardly knows what to do with that information; it feels foreign.

I am really, truly, grateful though. And surprised! Things changed so much in a matter of weeks and I still can't quite comprehend it. I feel sorry for not trusting that things would get better, for not believing that there was something to gain in my struggles.

I want to bring more...presence...into this next stage. Deliberate and consistent efforts of self-love. And curiosity! I want to cultivate my sense of wonder and appreciation for the world.

"Love is the way messengers 

from the mystery tell us things.

Love is the mother,

We are her children.

She shines inside us, 

visible-invisible, as we trust 

or lose trust, or feel it start to grow again."

-Rumi