Baby it's been so long

Where do I start? Why did I ever stop? So much has happened I don't even remember it all.

I have been avoiding so much...I've started this post so many times only to stare blankly at the screen.

Getting involved with someone is by far one of the most complicating things that has ever happened to me.

I feel paralyzed...scared and at a complete loss. My plans have gone to shit, not because of that. And I've started to doubt everything that I want. Do I want to leave a new family? A lifetime of friendships and memories? It's so risky...but then there is the possibility of new friendships...prestige etc. At the cost of loneliness? I don't know what to do...I feel as if I'm waiting for an ephiphany where I suddenly realise what to do. In the meantime I am haunted by your bass-calloused fingertips, the way your neck is always warm. How I want to faint everytime you kiss my nose. And so I am here...at a loss.

"Mature decisions...realistic thinking coming to terms with emotions and innate instincts."

And then there's kelsey.
Good god I wish I was a praying man.