this weekend has been a blur of emotions. Yesterday I was bothered by the terrible thought that has haunted me since I left junior high-that I'm never really in people's lives, more on the outside, looking in. I need to do my homework, but I can't focus. Every weekend I tell myself it will be different. Oh man damn this seems like such a depression entry....I'll write about some happy news: I went bowling with Joey yesterday, I ate a dinosaur cookie from my childhood, I got along (well!) with her (G) and I bought new shoes that I'm in love with. Those facts aren't an accurate representation of what I'm feeling right now, I shouldn't have typed them. I think it's what the teacher was talking about in bio about gathering data to graph, how it has to be represent the actual thing whatever etc. etc. So in light of this, and also because I am cynical, I shall re-poison this entry: I was a newbie, such a newbie yesterday. I'm embarassed but hey! What does it really matter? Four months ago, even one month ago, I never would have thought that my life would be at all this way, but it is and I'm having trouble adapting. At the same time, I don't want it to be any different and I keep digging myself deeper in to this on purpose. I just got a comment from Abbey, it brightened my day and I'm considering erasing all of this. But no, I won't. It's good to get this pig shit out of my system. And it makes it more concrete, and it's easier to fight concrete things rather than abstract emotions. Thank god for beautiful people.
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