I have this feeling that I should be more mature, but don't have any clue how to go about doing that.
I guess this blog is kind of immature. And self-absorbed.
Yes, yes it is.
But at the same time, I feel like it's mostly my only means for documenting "personal growth".
It's very very hard to stop myself from sinking into the lows that I know I shouldn't be feeling. Some days I feel good. Really really good. But for whatever reason the waves eventually come and I feel like I am going to explode, get that overwhelming sick feeling in my stomach and need to lash out.
It's like, for the past five years I've been waiting for things to be okay, and setting secret timelines for everything to work out, but it never does.
Or maybe I'm just not taking very well to the fact that perfection doesn't exist, and keep clinging onto this naive idea of what my life should be like. I can't decide.
I found my old cd case whilst emptying out my old room in my mother's house. A mix cd is in the stereo, I am debating whether or not to press play. Inevitably it will get me asking myself that same question...'who wants a girl who eats a whole serving of mac and cheese and blogs about her feelings all day?'
1 comment:
I think you need to be a little more immature.
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