I'll never let your head hit the bed without my hand behind it

I've had a lot on my mind lately..

First off, I am struggling to come to terms with the fact that I will never be able to change you. That there's nothing I can do to make you happy or even make you happy with me. I don't know what it is, but I feel so obligated to try and fix it. Fix you. Be "a part of the solution and not the problem." Because it's really either or. But all the clichés become true and I know, at least on an intellectual level, that you really can't change someone who doesn't want to change themselves. But in saying that, it means that I am not enough to make someone want to change. And shouldnt I be? Shouldn't I be the person who brings out the best in you? Who proves that the world is not that harsh after all and that I mean it when I say I care? But on the other hand...shouldn't I be getting that in return? I know...I know that its a bad idea to do something for someone that is really for yourself, but I can't help hoping that you'll turn around and say what I want to hear from you. I don't know what to do anymore.

Secondly, I have been thinking a lot about what a big reality check I am going to get in living by myself. Less than seven months. And all I can cook is grilled cheese and tv dinners. I am going to be so, so miserable. So lonely. So sad. And desolate. It scares me. The initial pain of isolation is terrifying.

Also, I would like to point out that it should be common knowledge that when someone asks if you would give them a kidney, they are not asking what your views on organ donation are.

En outre, I am dying and cutting my hair on monday. I think it's time.