Just let it seep

This weekend has been heart-wrenching.

Normally I'm not fully understandable, but I'll say this in plain english:

On friday someone at work told me I was intellectualy smart, but socially I should be locked in a box. The people who heard laughed and nodded, and I went home and cried before going back to work. The fact that someone would voice that opinion out loud, to my face cut incredibly deeply. Not to mention that social awkwardness is a huge sore spot for me. It just tore up old wounds and left me breathless.

When I did get back my friend saw that I was upset and told me to grow up and stop being so immature. I was so angry at her insensitivity, I told her to fuck off, and for the rest of the night she refused to talk to me. Yesterday and today were hardly better. More than anything this is what hurts me. Especially since it took until last night for me to realize why she wasn't talking to me. I didn't actually mean for her to. The strain of yet another good friendship is incredibly painful. I don't want it to be this way, but I'm getting shot down.

My mother is baffled as to why I keep crying. I woke up both mornings with eyes swollen almost shut. I feel like half of me is missing. Please don't think this is an exaggeration. Maybe I'm just not meant to be one of those lucky people.